Yes mam, I support Gay Adoption.

The following story is based on true events. Comments and conversations have been included to the best of my recollection. Names have been changed to protect the privacy of dear friends.

A couple days ago as I was walking down the street, a woman who seemed to be taking signatures approached me and asked: “Sir, excuse me, but what’s your take on gays being able to adopt kids from foster homes?” As the question was sinking in, and I gathered my thoughts to respond, I immediately wandered into memory lane…

It was the first day of school at the fourth grade, when I met Danny. I had been transferred to a new public school and I definitely welcomed the opportunity to meet and make new friends. Danny walked up to me and introduced himself by extending his right hand and simply stating: “Hi my name is Danny”. As we shook hands, somehow I could tell that he was different to all the other nine or ten years old in my homeroom. He was scanning the room as he introduced himself and he immediately approached another new kid in the room. As I recall it, he was working the room as a politician.  

Later that day, I had more time to interact and learn about Danny. As he eloquently explained, he lived in a government run orphanage that happened to be located very close to the school. Since the school was also run and funded by the government, the kids in the orphanage attended classes there. He had lived in the orphanage for as long as he could remember, and he had no family other than the people who ran the orphanage or the faculty at the school. He explained that kids at the orphanage and the school came and went so he had learned how not to be too emotionally attached to other kids his age.

During the course of that first week, Danny introduced me to other kids who happened to live with him at the orphanage. I specially remember James and Bobby who were attending the seventh and second grade respectively. Bobby was new to the orphanage and had been transferred from another facility that was closed down. Danny had taken upon himself to make sure that Bobby could acclimate to his new school. Everyday he would walk with him to and from school and during lunch, he would lookout after him. This was a tough school where many kids were taunted to show their courage but no one messed with those close to Danny.  Danny was not violent in any way and as far as I can recall, I never saw him or heard of him being in a fistfight. Bullies simply did not like to mess with Danny because he was friends with the entire school faculty and they though messing with him would be a problem. Then there were his scars. He had two scars in his right cheek that were a couple inches apart. The top scar extended from his ear lobe to his upper lip while the bottom one was much shorter. Those scars gave Danny a mean look if he needed to which made bullies walk away, even though he was the most gentle and harmless individual I had met. One day I asked him how he had acquire those scars to which he responded: “I don’t know how I got them. But when I entered the orphanage I already had them.” A souvenir from a previous life which Danny had no memory or recollection. 

As the school year progressed, we became friends and I learned about the routines that made Danny’s life so much different from that of any other kid I new at the time. Every weekend, the orphanage received visitors. These visitors were mostly couples who were looking to adopt and wanted to meet the kids who live in the orphanage. Every Friday, Danny would walk up to every kid at school who lived with him at the orphanage and he would remind them to be prepared for the weekend. He instructed them to make sure they had clean and ironed shirts and pants. He would recommend haircuts when he considered their hair was getting long and most importantly; “Make sure you are very clean and perfumed in case they want to talk to you”. This was his Friday ritual, and he made every effort to remind every kid these tasks every Friday. He was a coordinator planning a major event and as the day ended, you could usually see Danny and Bobby walking on their way to the orphanage with a lot of excitement about the possibilities of meeting a family that would include them as their own.

Monday’s were tough for Danny. He always seemed distant and would barely talk to anyone. After a couple months, I learned that Mondays were what Danny called: “Reality check day”. Usually if a visiting couple had been interested in adopting a child, they would have let the faculty at the center know so adoption proceedings could be initiated. Although kids were usually unaware of these proceedings, Danny was very close to the staff and he would usually receive a high-level summary of the events that took place after the visits.  If the visitors had not shown any interest in any of the kids and specially him, Danny would be depressed and it showed.  As James eventually taught me, it was better to leave Danny alone on Monday’s. He simply stated: “You will never understand what he goes through every weekend. Hopefully you never will know”.

As the school year progressed, the Christmas holydays came and went. Returning from the break found all the kids sharing stories about all the presents they had received from Santa Claus. Danny did not have such stories of his own but I do recall how he wanted to listen to everyone’s list of presents. Our toy tales extravaganza was derailed when James showed up and interrupted with news of his own: “I’m getting adopted!” A couple who had met James earlier in the fall had commenced the adoption proceedings. The adoption process had taken a shift for the best during the holydays. James was just a couple weeks away from joining a family and although we were all excited, Danny’s frustration with seeing another close friend move on was noticeable. One day during the last week of January, James visited the school with his adoptive parents. He had stopped bye to say goodbye to his teachers and friends since he would be attending a new school. Before leaving, James approached Danny and as they embraced in a hug, we all heard James utter the words: “Thank you”

Danny grew even closer to Bobby after that.  He continued his Friday routine and every Monday he would be in his depressive state. I felt that James departure had taken a toll on Danny. As the Easter break approached, Danny shared the news that apparently a couple had shown interest in adopting him. A faculty member at the orphanage had confided to him that the couple had shown interest, but that they were not too certain since they originally wanted to adopt a younger kid. After Easter, I immediately asked Danny if he had any news on his adoption. To my surprise, he recounted how the day he was going to receive a visit from his possible adoptive parents he had actually asked Bobby to wear his best clothes and to be in his best appearance. He actually brought Bobby along to the meeting, which has he, had explained to me a hundred times: “You don’t allow other kids to speak or interact with your possible adoptive parents”. I would not be able to explain to you every detail and how everything developed. Nevertheless, before the school year ended, that couple had adopted Bobby and he moved away from the orphanage and the school.

The school year reach its last week and I can recall how Danny looked as if he had aged. Something didn’t look the same. He was no longer that avid socialite who wouldn’t miss a bit to work a room. The last day of school, parents usually picked their kids early. During the last hours of the day, our homeroom teacher came up with an activity for the few remaining kids to participate. The activity consisted in all of us sitting in a circle and sharing with the group what we wanted to be when we grow up based on everything we had learned during the school year. As we went around the circle, we all mustered the usual responses: Policemen, Firemen, Doctor, and I even recanted my usual desire to become an astronaut. Eventually we got to Danny’s turn, he though for a couple seconds and responded: “I want to be a millionaire. I don’t know how, but I have to be a millionaire”. “Why do you want to be a millionaire so bad Danny?” the teacher asked. As Danny responded, I remember seeing his eyes getting glossy with tears: “I have to become a millionaire so I can buy a huge house. I want a huge house so I can adopt every kid at the orphanage so they don’t have to go through the deception of not being adopted every weekend. So they can have a place to call home and they can have everything they need”. The teacher looked at Danny for what still seems to be the longest minute in my life. She eventually approached and hugged Danny, who for the first time in the entire year I had known him, allowed a couple tears to run down his cheeks. Later that day, I said goodbye to Danny before getting on the school bus. Danny didn’t allow me to say goodbye without sharing a hug. As the bus took away, I recall seeing Danny in his usual walk towards the orphanage, alone. I also recall giving my Mom a stronger than usual hug that night when she got home from work.

I wish I had a great finish for this story but as it turns out, that was the last day I ever saw Danny. My Mom and sister transferred me to a new school the next year. Unfortunately, social media, the internet, and cell phones were non-existent at the time so I really had no way to reach out to him. When it comes to Danny’s life, he had a huge deck dealt against him but I want to believe that he found happiness, and I want to believe that he made it in life. In the meantime, I can only tell you that he left a huge impression in my life. Today, when I walk into a room I make sure that I shake everyone’s hands, but I specially look for the new faces and make sure they feel welcome. In addition, when it comes to adoption and specifically this whole debate in the media about gays being able to adopt, I immediately ask myself: What would have Danny wanted? I know that he would have wanted a family, a loving family, and I don’t think he would have cared about anything else.    

…”Excuse me, Sir?” The inquiring woman said as she brought me back from my couple seconds trip through memory lane. “What was your question?” I asked her and she immediately repeated:  “What’s your take on gays being able to adopt kids from foster homes?” With glassy eyes, I immediately responded: “Yes mam, I support Gay Adoption.” I could tell that she was shocked by my response and she tried to continue the conversation: “But sir, how can you support…” I immediately noticed that the simplicity to which I approach this topic based on my own personal experiences would conflict with whatever web of complications this woman had in her mind. Therefore, I immediately interrupted her: “My friend Danny…” To what she immediately replied: “Danny? Who’s Danny?” So I smiled while softly and politely said: “I’m sorry mam, but I don’t think you would understand” and I continued my walk down the street and back to memory lane. Remembering the last day, I saw my friend, my dear friend.